I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I need to calm my uterus...
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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