Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Randomize
