Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
