i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
