Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
