Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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