oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
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