well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
why do cheetos always look like penises
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
