I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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