I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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