If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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