it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Two words: nipple clamps
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