Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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