Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
We need to rekindle our bromance
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
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