So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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