Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize