I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
