when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
