I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
