haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
