I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
