Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
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