are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
