Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
