Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
