I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
