opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
