I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
