You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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