I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Randomize
