dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
