i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
