During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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