I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize