I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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