would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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