Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize