you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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