Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
