I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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