What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Houston, we have a blender
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
