GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
