I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
