The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
