so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
