Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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