uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
