Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
You may now shotgun with the bride
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
