I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
