wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
