Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
