Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
