dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
