You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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