I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Holy shit dude........stairs
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