okay pat passed out under dana's car
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
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