Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
