She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Randomize
