how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
