Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
