conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
What a dumb baby whore.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
