you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I am one with the molecules
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
