i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
