He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
