are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
