I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
