Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
