I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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