So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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