After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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