I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
