he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
that may or may not have been my penis.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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