I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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