Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
