i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
