Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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