There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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