Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
and i looked up. we had an audience...
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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