no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
is wine microwaveable?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Randomize
