Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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