i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
