3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
