after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
