Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
