How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
