it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
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