Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
