i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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