I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
