Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
