do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize