I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
