I must be too annoying 4 u.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
