Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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