You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
