Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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